20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
