Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
