We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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