You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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