"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
