Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
