Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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