Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
