Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
