ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
