Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
