After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
