I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
