life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have feelings that need drinking.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
