Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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