I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
