Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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