One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
