it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
