Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
