So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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