Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
