I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
