Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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