Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
