there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
