the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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