she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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