I cockslap morals
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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