I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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