have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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