You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
