Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
