Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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