oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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