I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
