Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
