I need help removing her.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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