you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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