I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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