Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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