I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
