do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
