she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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