That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
