i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
