Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
