is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
