meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
