we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cockslap morals
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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