i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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